for those who love and have loved
1. ABSOLUTION
The best part of myself.
Had it been given?
Forgotten?
Revisiting the recesses
of my deepest fear
eviscerated and embarrassed before you
I ask myself
“When was the best part of myself
given?”
I think
……
……
It was once
a very long time ago:
I gave a very small (quiet) part
when my heart listened to a poem by William Carlos Williams
being read to me late at night
when I needed to go home
this was the only time.
I fear
myself
is no longer there.
I am an old lover
inside my palms
and my blood.
I give
waiting to receive
maybe what I cannot completely give.
I return to the cracked forehead
of my conscience
wanting what could be
already gone before I emerged
before you
as if you
my one
are searching in that very first place.
My fear whispers
or rather slyly reveals
a deep gaping hole
behind a boarded window
as if the window of opportunity closed many many years ago
when we were very young and loved many many years ago
foolishly
truly
unabashedly.
Again then
Why then
this determination?
Maybe because of this determination
to intermingle
the best part of each other
unconditionally
passionately
in this last place.
2. THIS LAST PLACE
serene
as if You are ready to fall asleep
in this midnight café with me
i sip my tea
am in Your eyes, sleepy
as if ready to dream with You
while a soft jazzy voice is singing
and my fingers gently strum the invisible harp strings
on the back of Your neck.
in this space i love You
in this lifetime i love You
no regrets
except
to wish this time lasted longer
and there were no promises to fulfill outside of
this last place.
it’s time to go
the hour has run out between us
and we watch the sun set side by side
with the moon rising behind.
our kayaks cross once
while we wonder
if the currents of fate
will be merciful and
float us back to each other’s path
Maybe
i trust the stars
know
what is best
so we do not collide
into each other.
You lay Your head down on my neck
while my golden strap comes
d
o
w
n
down
d
o
w
n
and i wonder
if this will be the last time i will ask
“Do You want to be with me?” and You breathe
lightly,
“Yes.”
3. SOUL DECONSTRUCTION
I think of you less
now that a piece of my soul
inhabits one of your pockets
maybe that pocket of air
holding your hips together
Feel me there.Andthereandthereandthere where I grow.
I think of you less now.
(Not true.)
No need to
(A pause.)
now.
Now.
4. THE REPLY
I watch him sleep
his eyelids soft
then down to his cheeks his neck his shoulder
so that even God sighs softly.
I love you
met with a response of Okay
and the only thing to say
really
is Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
He sleeps like a slow ocean tide
from his left hip to his right
as if our bed were his seismograph.
You are my arm, I tell him.
Just your arm? he asks.
You are my backbone, he tells me.
Okay.
Okay.
5. VOW
I am told when I am sad, go to the source, go to the literature. When I am angry, go to the source, go to the literature. Amidst the commotion of new faces and new voices that buzz in my ears like mosquitoes, I want nothing but to sit in your presence, with no words to be shared, but to simply sit in your presence for a minute or two, to spare.
We have moments filled with tears and laughter between us, when sometimes I only hear the loud voices that cause the commotion inside my head and I am left drowning, and maybe running to you will take the commotion away altogether.
So, lovely Sir, will you spare me your eyes, your lips, and your hands, for a moment to last me a lifetime of knowing you love me? Shall we explode into sparkling dust, filling the darkness with sighs until we cannot breathe? Because my mind goes forever whirling about you, wondering, buzzing, floating, flying, dreaming dreams of you.
Slicing Tomatoes 